


Dancing to a Tragic Heart Beat

by Tazz_Dieudonne



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: Angst, Cussing, Daddy Issues, Fluff and Angst, Horses, M/M, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-14 15:23:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/838424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazz_Dieudonne/pseuds/Tazz_Dieudonne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Twist hides pictures of attractive men under his mattress and David, a friend, finds them. This is the start of a long trail of relationships that never work out for Jack. He gets his heart broken every time he tries. Eventually he ends up in abusive relationships and for a while he gives up on finding love and concentrates on just finding a good fuck. leads up and ends with finding Ennis Del Mar. Tags and warnings will be updated as the story gets more intensive. A work in progress so be patient. Lots of sad angsty Jack feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hiding

Texan boys hide Playboys under their mattresses not carefully collected pictures of other men cut out of woman's magazines. So Jack twist had told himself the first time he ripped a page out of one of those magazines and stuffed it on his pocket, looking around to make sure no one had seen. The rest of the day Jack jumped when anyone spoke to loud or touched him. He was so scared of the guilt showing on his face, of some one noticing. Every one on the streets seemed to be giving him weird looks, could they know? Could they see it? That night the silence of the dinner table had been to much to stand and he asked to be excused faking a stomach ache.

Jack lay on his small bed staring up at the white wash walls feeling the page burning a hole in his pocket. His mother came in once to see if he was all right and Jack pretended to be asleep. Once she closed the door he listened waiting for the sound of her foot steps to go away. Then he shot up in bed finally he couldn't take it any more.

Scrambling to get the thing out of his pocket as if it would burn him Jack took it out. The man had caught his eye because of his strong build, Jack had always found him self attracted to stronger men. Tentatively he folded out the crumpled paper and slowly flattened out the creases. He took a big breath his eyes finally allowed to scrutinize the page freely. Jack drank in the sight of the man's shirtless chest, his muscular arms and his tight jeans over well crafted legs, hips, and things.

Jack had looked at other men, he'd seen some naked too. But he always looked away, never allowing himself to look back. Now his eyes opened in wandered, finally allowed to look his fill. How could it be so wrong to want . . . to want to bed a man like this? If women could look at this then why couldn't he? Why wasn't he allowed to have the feelings he did?

His dads voice interrupted his thoughts, he was yelling at his brother again and some how the words transformed to what his dad had yelled at him only a few month ago, "Now you boy ain't gonna turn in to no cock sucking man fucker like them you hear me! Boy!" A tear trickled down Jack's face, he was disappointing his dad again just by having this stupid picture. He clenched his hands in to fists.

But he didn't crumple up the paper and burn it or throw it far away. Instead after a few calming breaths he unclenched his fists. Then he got up and put the picture under his mattress where no one would ever find it. There was no pleasing the old man so he decided he would go with what was pleasing to him.


	2. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiss. That's all. Don't get excited yet folks.

"Jack?" David raised a questioning eyebrow holding up the picture. Jack froze in the door way. No. He had been found out. David. . . David who he was just starting to think he like would never speak to him again. He go down stairs and tell his father. . . his father. . .

The panic showed clearly on the boys face. David's remained impassive as the older boy got up. Jack swallowed, his hand clenched in a fist. He closed the door blocking the exit. He didn't want to hurt David, no he couldn't, but he had to act like he might. And maybe just maybe he could bully the boy in to silence. Or knock him out long enough to run away. 

David walked right up to him, Jack didn't move trying to figure out what words to say to the boy. Should he plead or flee?   
"You queer Jack?" David asked bluntly.  
"No!" Jack retorted quickly, his voice shaking. "I don't know what your talking about." He shrugged his shoulders daftly.   
"Oh Jack. . ." David's voice was soft and Jack looked up, a tear running down his cheek. He couldn't do it he couldn't hurt David, not David who he had so recently started having feelings for. "Jack. . ." David took another step forward and put a hand on the younger boys shoulder. The hand weighed heavy on Jack, knowing he may never feel his touch again, unless it was a punch.   
"Please. . ." Jack whispered. "Please don't. . ."  
"It's okay Jack." David said quietly as he moved to hug the younger boy.  
"Stop!" Jack nearly shouted. He didn't want David's kindness if he was going to go down stairs and tell his dad. If he was going to leave him, Jack didn't want to. . . feel what he was feeling for David.   
"It's okay." David whispered as he gently brushed his hand along Jack's cheek, tears falling on his fingers. Jack slapped his hand away. "Jack. . ."  
"I don't need your sympathy." 

David grabbed his face roughly making Jack look at him. David bent down and pressed his lips to Jack's. Jack stopped struggling as the older boy kissed him, a simple press of lips. He stood perfectly still, eyes wide open. It felt so good, heart was pounding out of his chest. David gave up, Jack wasn't responding. He let go of Jack's face and took a step back, not looking Jack in the eyes. "Me too." He whispered. 

Jack saw the same hurt and uncertainty on David's face that a second ago had been his own. He felt like a burden had been suddenly lifted from his shoulders and with this new found joy he stepped forwards with courage, snaking his arms around the other boys slim hips and kissing him back, passionately.


	3. Just A Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

The beats of the bar where thumping and even from out in the alley they could hear it. David pressed him in to the shadows quickly making sure that no one was watching. They kissed hastily as the danger sent adrenaline threw their systems. 

Breaking apart David stepped back looking at Jack with hungry eyes. The music put an idea in to David's head and he grinned wolfishly. "Come on." He whispered drawing Jack further in to the darkness. "Put your hands here." David guided Jack's trembling hands to his hips. "There that's it." Jack relaxed a little stroking the rough fabric of the boy's jeans, and feeling swell of his ass beneath his hands. Then David began to move in time to the music rocking back and forth slowly. 

"I can't dance." Jack whispered, fear creeping in to his heart. The younger man took his hands off David.  
"Come on it's not that hard." David coaxed drawing his hands back and placing his arms around Jack's slim shoulders.  
"What of some one sees us?" Jack's eyes where wide with fear. 

"Don't worry the won't." David said soothingly. He started to rock a little more, drawing Jack closer to him as they started to dance. At first Jack couldn't keep the rhythm as he nervously glanced at the alley way every few seconds and his feet where like lead. Then David leaned in and rested his head on Jack's shoulder. "It's okay." He whispered soothingly and Jack began to loosen up slightly, moving in time with David's steps.

Soon they were spinning around the alley as a quick real was stomped out in their boots. David took his hand and yanked Jack too him. Jack spun David around in circles, and David let him lead for the first time that night. Their boots tapping out the rhythm in the dark alley way they lost them selves in the simple pleasures. Their hearts beating fast and their blood pumping fast, lips swollen from kissing so much. 

As the night grew darker a love song ballad came on and they slowed down. Jack's arms around David's waist holding his tight and David's hands buried in his hair they rocked back and forth slowly lost in each other's gaze. 

Jack didn't know it but that was their last day together. David was moving out of town, his mother had found out. David had begged and pleaded with her not to tell Jack's father and she, after hours of talking she had given in. But they where going to move. He told her it was just a one time thing, just a small crush, nothing, and with every word he hated himself more and more. Just as long as she didn't tell Jack's family. He would move away and David may never see Jack again. That’s why he had taken Jack out tonight. To show him something special.

Jack parted with David at his diver way, walking three steps then running back for one last kiss. He crept back in to the house, through the window and pulled up the hank of rope he used to get in and out that night. Jack flopped down on the bed smile as wide as any clowns on his face. He was so tired he fell asleep fully clothed, feeling the best he ever had in his life, arms wrapped around the little wooden horse David had given him. 

In the morning Jack would find the note David had slipped into his pocket, carefully folded. Explaining that he was moving away, that it wasn’t Jack’s fault and that David would never forget Jack. He would run down the drive way after breakfast, when he had found the note, and run the two miles to David's house, tears running down his face. But he would be too late, the dust from the moving truck had just began to settle.


	4. On the Tracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty thoughts and cussing.

Jack continued his collection of hidden magazine cut outs. As puberty hit early for him he had his first wet dream, featuring the boy who sat next to him in geography, Timmy. Jack awoke achy and needy, still feeling the ghost of Timmy’s hands on his chest, and covered in sweat. That day he skipped geography class. He couldn't look at Timmy without feeling a tightening in his pants.

It was so wrong, he knew it and Jack felt so bad for feeling the way he felt. The church said so, his friends said so, every one was telling him it was wrong but he just couldn't give it up. He knew what he wanted, there was no doubt about that. But did that make him a fag? Did it make him one of those people his father raved about? 

Guilt threatening to consume him Jack ducked around out back of the school, to the tracks. He kicked stones as he went thinking and trying not to think about other boys. The aftermath of the dream left him with the lingering feeling of need and want. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't hear the older boys come up from behind. "What cha doing out here boy?" Jack jumped and spun around finding three boys standing behind him. The leader held a cigarette between his teeth expertly.

"Notin' " Jack replied, head down. The three older boys where known as trouble makers. They came out to the tracks to smoke and where rarely see in school. The one on the left chuckled and took a few steps forwards.   
"You come out here as a spy or somethin' for that teacher bitch?"   
"No."   
"Then what you doing out here all alone?" the one closest to him began to circle Jack. He tensed up, falling silent, under the scrutiny.  
"He's got a nice ass, what do you think?" the boy commented walking back to his friends, wiggling a eyebrow.  
"What you a fag?" Jack spit, fear coursing threw him. The response was a automatic and he wish he could shove it back down his throat.   
"You shut your filthy mouth!" The one who had made the comment lunged at the younger boy but the leader held him back. James that was the leaders name Jack suddenly recalled.   
"He's young leave him alone. He didn’t mean nothing by it" James's voice was steady as he held the other boy back almost effortlessly.   
"You ever say that again and I'll make it so you can't speak ever!" The boy spat before falling back beside James, eyes burning with fire.   
"You scared him good now let it go. Gat back to school." he ordered Jack. Jack took off running fast as he could.   
"Get on home pussy boy." the call followed him.


	5. Boys First Rodeo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long I'll be better I promise!

School was the first time Jack really disappointed his father, and the first time he stopped caring. Jack had concluded a long time ago there is was no pleasing the man, "Do this! Do that! No not that way! That's all wrong! Can't you get anything right boy!". So he took the yelling and the beatings and held all the anger inside saving it for the fights. Jack got in a lot of fights now. He cut class too, sometimes not showing up for a full days and others peaking in here and there.

Jack wandered the tracks, just because the older boys acted like they own the tracks didn't mean he couldn't prove them wrong. He had to fight for his place but once he got it Jack just walked the tracks for hours on end, thinking. Thinking about love and lust and about how his father wanted him in school so he could be educated but he was always saying "You boy think too much a man has got to work for his pay, thinking is for them pussy boys!" So Jack put his head down and continued plowing the fields, mucking out the stables, and doing other mindless chores around the house.

And the anger just kept growing.

"Hey what you doing out here?" the voice startled Jack out of his trance, it was James,  
king of the tracks.  
"Skipping out of class same as you." Jack said wearily, he respected James but wasn't sure if the respect went both ways. James cracked a small smile that some how made Jack feel a little more at ease with the older boy.

It was James who first introduced Jack to the rodeo. Jack had seen one before, before his father decided that all riders where fuckers and stopped taking him. This time he got to see it with new eyes, without his fathers judgment hanging over him and without the looks of shame from his mother if he cheered too loud. 

James walked up to the man in charge all swagger, Jack trailing behind him, hands shoved firmly in his pockets and head down. He was sure they where going to get kicked out any second, told to go home. But the big man let them past.   
"Relax it's just a practice, as long as you don't get in their way they won't give you any trouble." James handed him a cigarette and Jack took a drag. He gagged instantly on the smoke coughing and spitting. "Don't hold it in." James advised showing Jack how. After the second try Jack got the trick. He felt the nicotine take hold calming his nerves and steadying his shaking hands.

James led him to the side of the arena and they stood, leaning over the fence for a better look. There was a great deal of shouting and suddenly a bull was released with a rider.   
"Come on benny hold him hold him. Ah dam!" James shouted as the older man clung to the bull and fell, rolling away expertly. Men with ropes came in and tethered the bull leading it away and Benny got up dusting himself off and walked out. In that one display of strength and authority Jack sold his soul to the rodeo. To tame a beast, to hold on longer then any other, would be the ultimate measure of his strength.   
"Pretty neat hu?" James looked over at him. Jack couldn't hide his grin and for the first time he didn't feel like he had to.


	6. Untamable

The rodeo practices became a regular hang out for Jack and soon he could get in and out with or without James. He knew the people who would let him in and who wouldn’t. If one of the latter where there there was always more then one way to wriggle in. Jack loved watching as men tried to stay atop their bulls and others road horses around barrels. He loved seeing the shine in their eyes when they succeeded and he held his breath when a particularly bad fall happened. Soon he was living and breathing rodeo. 

Jack fell in love with a brisk untamed mare and her rider. Betty Grain, he learned was her name from one of the stable hands. The chestnut's shiny coat was only matched by Betty's shiny copper hair. The way she commanded the beast like no other, making him turn this way and that under her strict but loving hand. No one else could handle the horse the way she did Jack thought.   
"They say she's unridable by everyone but Betty." Jack commented in reverence to the man next to him. The brut looked down at the skinny kid and Jack wished he had never opened his mouth.  
"That a challenge kid?" The brute huffed.  
"Maybe." Jack swallowed.  
"I'll show you." He grumbled going off. "Give me that horse!" Taking the reins in his fist he led the struggling horse in to the shoot. Mounting him the men standing around got the idea and stood by the gates.   
"Ready?" one asked.  
"Ready!" The brute replied confidently. 

The gates where opened and the horse shot out, instantly trying to dislodge its rider, bucking and kicking up dust. The man clung on trying to get command of the beast but she wouldn't settle and with one last buck he was thrown to the ground. The horse skipped off over to the other side of the arena and whinnied innocently at the thrown man. 

Jack soon learned that the horse’s rider was as untamable as her horse when he made the mistake of over estimating his flirting powers.   
"You ride nice."  
"I don't date boys who've got nothing to their name." Betty said not even looking at him. Jack was stunned and all he could come back with was.  
"What?"   
"You want me? Go out there and do something note worthy." She hooked a thumb over her shoulder at the rodeo. "Till then refrain from talking to me." And with that she walked away. Jack stood stunned for a second before he made up his mind, he was going out there and winning that girl.

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to give updates and warnings in the very beginning of ever chapter that has more content in it.


End file.
